any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
