He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
