did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
