I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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