I can tuck mytits in my pants
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
