Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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