Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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