I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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