i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
