Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
