she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
