I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
