I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
