we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
