I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
