I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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