Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
