you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
