he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
