No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
