Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
