im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
