I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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