Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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