a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
