Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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