the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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