All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
