Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
