I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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