I'm pants shitting drunk right now
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
