the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
