Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
