i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
