HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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