Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
You can't special order awesome
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
