I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
