he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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