I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
