I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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