Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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