I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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