At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
