Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
