Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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