do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
