my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
