Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
