You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
