its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
