Can Purell be used as lube?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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